Seeing if there is a remote chance I can move the menus to the left side in Office 2007 (yes, it is that discomforting), I found this- the reason for all my pain:
Jensen Harris' Blog for Office 2007 Users
Summary: Microsoft decided to use a mathematical equation to solve a human intuitive problem. FYI, there are many things determined by equations that don't turn out as expected.
[edit: misspelled Jensen's name]
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